A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

There are guys drinking in a bar, when another man comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while he approaches the guys, and, pointing at the one in the middle, shouts, "I've screwed your mom!"

The three guys look bewildered as man resumes drinking at the bar.

Ten minutes later he comes back. "Your mom's sucked my pecker!"

Same thing happens. Ten minutes later he announces, "I've had your mom up the ass!"

The young guys have had enough, and the one in the middle stands up and shouts, "Look, Dad, you're drunk, go home!"

Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up?

A: "Good morning, Bill."

Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!

If we could sell 100,000 units every album, that would rock. We'd have a big cult following, we'd have a built-in fanbase so we could pretty much play anywhere, people would show up and rock out.

He gave her a glance wholly quizzical,
He'd no time for things metaphysical.
But her eyes held such power
As she spoke: "At that hour
The whole world will turn paradisical."

Says a lecher who lives in Sioux City,
"I've a passion for nibble and titty,
And on Saturday night,
Take special delight
Getting down to the real nitty-gritty!"

How can these equations reduce?
Must they live on bananas and juice?
Can equations non-linear
Aspire to be skinnier?
The solution might be of some use.

(Non-linear difference equation without chaos)

I'm going to beat this cancer or die trying.

As Lord Chesterfield said of the generals of his day, 'I only hope that when the enemy reads the list of their names, he trembles as I do.'